Glinda: The Passive Aggressive Witch

See Glinda’s vacant smile in this picture?

She’s smiling because she’s evil! Eeeevil I tell you!

Think I’m kidding?

If you recall, Glinda started the conflict by giving Dorothy the shoes that were Ms West’s only remembrance of her sister, who was so tragically killed by a falling house.

Imagine how you’d feel if the cops gave your dead sibling’s shoes to the person responsible for his or her death.

Glinda is a trouble maker. She interrupts a distraught Wicked Witch, who is trying to find out what the hell has happened to her sister, with the antagonistic, “Aren’t you forgetting the Ruby Slippers?”

Huh?

The Ruby Slippers magically appear on Dorothy’s feet.

The Wicked Witch pleads for the tokens of her sister’s memory.

The very defiant Glinda says, “There they are. And there they’ll stay!”

Meanwhile, you can see Dorothy’s terror. Clearly she does not want to get involved. …and she sure as hell doesn’t want those shoes! – well, maybe.

Glinda further stirs the pot when she commands the Wicked Witch, “Be gone! Before somebody drops a house on you.”

Somewhat unsettled by this, the Wicked Witch takes her leave, – but not before threatening Dorothy and her dog Toto with bodily harm.

Formulating a plan, Glinda says to Dorothy, “I’m afraid you’ve made a rather bad enemy of the Wicked Witch Of The West.”

 You just know Dorothy is thinking,  “Wait.  What?  NO! I do not want to be part of this!”

This is where I think Glinda, upon sending Dorothy off on a wild goose chase, sets her plan in motion.

It’s a shortcut to Emerald City.

In my warped mind, Glinda sets off in her bubble to the Emerald City in order to convince the Wizard to use Dorothy as a means to finally rid themselves of Wicked Witches. Why not? She already killed one witch. what’s another? That’s why she sent Dorothy to the Emerald City by way of the more scenic Yellow Brick Rd, instead of the more direct Red Brick Rd. Everyone in Oz knows Yellow Brick Road runs right past Ms West’s Castle! It’s one of the premier tourist attractions of Oz!

My conspiracy theory comes from one single moment at the end of the film when you realize that Dorothy has been played.

Glinda, with a big smile on her face, says to Dorothy, “You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”

Are you kidding me?!

I just wanted Dorothy to look Glinda straight in the eye and say, “I. Killed. The. Wrong. Witch!”  I wanted Dorothy to beat the living daylight’s out of Glinda. …or maybe look around for another bucket of water. If it worked for one witch, maybe it would work on another.

Glinda, the “good” witch. Ha! I wanna smack that vacant smile right off that bitch’s face!

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• Note: Portions of this post are excerpted from “What Happens In Oz”, published July 2011 by me. It’s a cautionary tale about the dangers of not paying attention to the things around you. Read the full story here.

Dear 16 year old self;

I realize you know everything about everything, so I’ll make this brief.

1. Be true to yourself. You may not believe it now, but you are one hell of a kid. You’re definitely smarter than what most people give you credit for. You should be proud of that.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Most of what you’re going through right now is small stuff. Enjoy yourself. That’s what being a teenager is all about.
3. Try not to take any undue risks. Remember how I said you’re smarter than what most people give you credit for? Well, if you pay attention to that little voice in the back of your mind, you’ll be just fine.

Oh. One last thing. When you get older, there’s gonna be this thing called the internet. It’s gonna be huge! It’ll be a great outlet for creativity. But please, please, please, please, PLEASE try to come up with a user I.D. that’s easier to understand than ADignorantium! I mean, seriously… What the hell were you thinking? 😛

My Inner Nerd Is Screaming With Delight!

I am in awe of brilliance and PBS Idea Channel host Michael Rugnetta is nothing if not brilliant.

The most recent installment of this delightfully mind blowing mind candy centers around the concepts of reality, fact, and fiction.

In part one, he uses War of the Worlds as a means to illustrate how fiction exists within our collective consciousness.

In part two, he continues the exercise using Harry Potter.

Is anyone else as turned on as I am right now? 😛

 

The 40 Year Search!

Ever have a tune stuck in the back of your mind that just won’t go away, but you can’t play it because you don’t know the name? So it sits there, and every once in a while rears it’s taunting head.

Carla Morrison – Eres Tú (letra)

I discovered the above tune while searching for a 1973 song, whose title I could not remember.

I searched for what seemed like forever. I tried every variant of “Et Eschtule” and “Edest Tu” and everything in between.

I even tried humming the mystery song to friends, but that only confused them more.

Part of the problem was that I thought it was an Italian song. I was eight years old when the song came out. The only language other than English that I had heard was Italian, so naturally I thought the song was Italian.

Finding this Carla Morrison song was a big break for me. Of course! Eres Tu! Seeing it in print made so much sense.

So I typed Eres Tu into the YouTube search bar and Lo and Behold…

“Eres Tu” by Mocedades

The sad part is, now that I’m hearing Mocedades again, I kinda prefer the Carla Morrison cut better. 🙂

Which Would You Rather…

Here’s a rather gruesome thought.

I was asked, yet again, which I’d be willing to give up if I had to choose, vision or hearing.

I don’t know why my friends feel the need to ponder such hypotheticals.

I can’t even imagine the situation in which I’d have to offer up one of my senses. Would it involve some 007 super villain?

Because I love music so much, my initial answer would be sight – but then logic took over. Our world is so visually oriented, it would be difficult, if not expensive to get around without sight. For starters, I’d have to get a seeing-eye dog and learn learn braille. Furthermore, I’m not very organized, so I’d always be tripping over all my stuff.

Giving up sound would mean missing music. But I’m at the age, quickly approaching the half-century mark, where I’ve stored enough aural information that I can call upon it almost at will.

Not to mention the movies that I love so much that I know the dialogue by heart. I wouldn’t need subtitles.

Now I’m gonna be thinking about this crap all day.

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Please note: The above may seem insensitive. I do realize there are people who have no choice in the matter. As the saying goes, “I complained about having no shoes until I saw a man with no feet.”

Interpretation

Remember this song? I maintain that it is not about sailing on the open water at all.

Bear with me…

Take this verse, for instance.

It’s not far to Never Never Land

No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy

Of innocence again

The canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

It’s not far to Never Never Land

1- According to Wikipedia…

Neverland (also spelled Never Land or expanded as Never Never Land) is a fictional place featured in the works of J. M. Barrie and those based on them. It is the dwelling place of Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, the Lost Boys and others. Although not all people in Neverland cease to age, its best known resident famously refused to grow up, and it is often used as a metaphor for eternal childhood (and childishness), immortality, and escapism.

The operative word here is “escapism” – as in losing oneself in dreams. …or art.

The canvas can do miracles

2- They don’t use canvas as sails. They use lighter, man made fabrics, like nylon or polyester. They DO however, use canvas for art.

Of course, I could be wrong. 🙂

How do you suppose the characters of a book occupy their time while you’re not reading it?

In my warped mind, I imagine Alice, the Queen of Hearts, White Rabbit and Mad Hatter all sitting around drinking, smoking and playing poker until you pick up the book. At which time they hurry to bookmarked page, ready to play out the story.