Glinda: The Passive Aggressive Witch

See Glinda’s vacant smile in this picture?

She’s smiling because she’s evil! Eeeevil I tell you!

Think I’m kidding?

If you recall, Glinda started the conflict by giving Dorothy the shoes that were Ms West’s only remembrance of her sister, who was so tragically killed by a falling house.

Imagine how you’d feel if the cops gave your dead sibling’s shoes to the person responsible for his or her death.

Glinda is a trouble maker. She interrupts a distraught Wicked Witch, who is trying to find out what the hell has happened to her sister, with the antagonistic, “Aren’t you forgetting the Ruby Slippers?”

Huh?

The Ruby Slippers magically appear on Dorothy’s feet.

The Wicked Witch pleads for the tokens of her sister’s memory.

The very defiant Glinda says, “There they are. And there they’ll stay!”

Meanwhile, you can see Dorothy’s terror. Clearly she does not want to get involved. …and she sure as hell doesn’t want those shoes! – well, maybe.

Glinda further stirs the pot when she commands the Wicked Witch, “Be gone! Before somebody drops a house on you.”

Somewhat unsettled by this, the Wicked Witch takes her leave, – but not before threatening Dorothy and her dog Toto with bodily harm.

Formulating a plan, Glinda says to Dorothy, “I’m afraid you’ve made a rather bad enemy of the Wicked Witch Of The West.”

 You just know Dorothy is thinking,  “Wait.  What?  NO! I do not want to be part of this!”

This is where I think Glinda, upon sending Dorothy off on a wild goose chase, sets her plan in motion.

It’s a shortcut to Emerald City.

In my warped mind, Glinda sets off in her bubble to the Emerald City in order to convince the Wizard to use Dorothy as a means to finally rid themselves of Wicked Witches. Why not? She already killed one witch. what’s another? That’s why she sent Dorothy to the Emerald City by way of the more scenic Yellow Brick Rd, instead of the more direct Red Brick Rd. Everyone in Oz knows Yellow Brick Road runs right past Ms West’s Castle! It’s one of the premier tourist attractions of Oz!

My conspiracy theory comes from one single moment at the end of the film when you realize that Dorothy has been played.

Glinda, with a big smile on her face, says to Dorothy, “You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”

Are you kidding me?!

I just wanted Dorothy to look Glinda straight in the eye and say, “I. Killed. The. Wrong. Witch!”  I wanted Dorothy to beat the living daylight’s out of Glinda. …or maybe look around for another bucket of water. If it worked for one witch, maybe it would work on another.

Glinda, the “good” witch. Ha! I wanna smack that vacant smile right off that bitch’s face!

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• Note: Portions of this post are excerpted from “What Happens In Oz”, published July 2011 by me. It’s a cautionary tale about the dangers of not paying attention to the things around you. Read the full story here.

July 4th and the Soundtrack of Summer

July 4th is upon us once again, and with it comes parades, picnics, fireworks, and of course, great music. Independence Day ushers in the lazy days of summer, warm evenings gathered with family and friends, and a steady stream of feel-good music. Music heard through a neighbor’s open window, on a friend’s boombox, or from a passing car’s stereo is the soundtrack of summer.

Everybody’s got their favorite summer tracks.

What follows are a few of mine.

When I hear the opening guitar riff of The Rolling Stones’ classic, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, I think of The Steel Pier TV Show, which used to air on Philadelphia’s WPVI Channel 6 (the local ABC affiliate).

K.D. Lang’s Summer Fling is such a happy fun song. It’s so full of optimism. It makes me long for the beach. My favorite line, “Laugh, oh how we would laugh at anything.” …Indeed we did. 🙂

It was a B 52s toss up between Rock Lobster and the classic Love Shack. Both scream summer, but everybody’s movin’ everybody’s groovin to the Love Shack baby!

I was a part-time DJ at a local bar in 1991 when Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff released their seasonal hit, Summertime.

Whatever happened to Dee-Lite?  Technically released in August of 1990, Groove Is In The Heart set the tone for the summer of ’91. Everybody danced to this tune. Lady Miss Kier Dressed in groovy Mod Sixties hipness, assured us that she “couldn’t ask for another.”

I was 11 years old. I remember being in a car with my Grandmother and two of my cousins. Wild Cherry’s Play That Funky Music started playing on the car’s AM radio. Upon hearing the lyrics “Play that funky music white boy”, my Grandmother was scandalized. “That’s terrible” she said. “What if the whites said that about the blacks?” To which my cousins burst into laughter. “Mom-mom.” said cousin Cheryl “Wild Cherry IS a white band!” My grandmother backpedaled a bit with, “Well, I still think it’s terrible.” — Happy Times. {:-]

In 1993 the London based Jazz-Rap group released a remake of Herbie Hancock’s ‘Cantaloupe Island’ called Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia). It’s still one of my favorites. “Diddy diddy bop. Funky funky.”

During my last summer living at home with my parents, I spent a lot of time at the community swimming pool. It was a fun summer. The Rolling Stones’ Emotional Rescue was a favorite of one of the life guards. So it was played repetitively. It didn’t help that it was heard through their PA system, which was equipped with cone shaped aluminum paging speakers. It sounded awful. But the song is now synonymous with summer. There’s a fun Emotional Rescue remake by Freedom Dub on the Bossa N; Stones CD. but the original brings back that summer at the pool.

Virtual Insanity was my introduction to the British Acid Jazz band, Jamiroquai. It’s a fun song. Lead singer Jay Kay has a singing style reminiscent of 1970s funk and soul, which I love. The moving floor in this video is inventive take on the famous scene in Royal Wedding where Fred Astaire dances on the ceiling. (Later recreated in Lionel Ritchie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling” video)

Hot In The City is one of my favorite Billy Idol tunes. It was hard for me to choose between it, White Wedding or Thighs Around Your Face, I mean Eyes Without a Face for this post. They’re all good tunes.

There are few things better than New York City in the summertime? Empire State of Mind, Alicia Keys’ love letter to New York makes me want to jump on a train and head to the Big Apple. It’s changed a lot. I really do miss the “colorful” element that used to populate Times Square, but it’s still a fun place to be in the summer. You might recognize the chorus from the Jay Z hit.

I love, Love, LOVE Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes. This 1987 live performance in Athens featuring Youssou N’Dour is quite possibly the most achingly beautiful version of the song… “Accepting all I’ve done and said, I want to stand and stare again, ‘Til there’s nothing left out, oh whoa whoa It remains there in your eyes, Whatever comes and goes Oh, it’s in your eyes.” 

I must not forget the ultimate summer classic. Under The Boardwalk by The Drifters. This tune was remade by many artists, including Bette Midler, for the movie, Beaches. Those are okay, but I prefer the Drifters’ version best.

Special Thanks to James Stafford for this little gem, More, More, More by Carmel (not to be confused with the Andrea True Connection song of the same name) It was featured on his June 27th “Why It Matters” Word Press blog, From The Stacks: Carmel More, More, More (12″ single) which inspired this list.

BONUS: Summer (The Very First Time) was a Bobby Goldsboro hit, but I think Millie Jackson does it better. If you don’t know who Millie Jackson is, I feel sorry for you.

Dear Readers: As I stated above, everybody has a special song that connects them to a happy summer memory. I’m gonna borrow a page from The Accidental Cootchie Mama, and ask you to share it. Post a favorite summer tune with it’s link in a comment below. Maybe we can make a killer summer playlist before Labor Day. 😀